You read it right, my name is Jacob Strandlien and I've started this website to fix my brother's butt! That's my brother Alex on the right. He looks a little angry in that picture because his butt is broken. Long story short, he had a surgery in mid 2009 to remove a cyst from his tailbone. The surgery was more or less botched, and now he can't sit for long periods of time. He needs another surgery to fix it, he had to leave his driving job because he can't sit that long anymore, and the work he needs done could come to $5,000! Lucky for him his brother is a supernerd with way too much time on his hands, so now he has a website dedicated to his butt!
Alright... so what's in it for me?
You get prizes! Five levels of donation will get you four questionable rewards. If you donate $5 or more, your name (fake or real) and a short message of your choosing will go on the "Butt Donors" section of this website. Keep it more or less clean, please! If you donate $10 or more, you get to make this giant frickin' dinosaur demean himself for you! He'll say whatever you want, sing a song, read something, even play fetch. He explains in this video. If you donate $100 or more, I will send you an 8x10 glossy of my (clothed) butt! I'll even get my brother to take it. Also, this will be at my own expense; your entire $100 (minus transaction expenses) will go to my brother's butt fund. If you donate $500 or more, you will get a high-precision gyroscope! One of my brother's friends is finishing up his degree as a machinist and has decided to contribute by creating custom-designed and manufactured gyroscopes like this one right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7J9r9rCuOw If you donate $1000 or more, I will literally kiss your butt in a venue of your choosing! Ew, right? Well, that's just how far I'm willing to go to fix my brother's butt. At your option, I'll even post a video of it on this website. I should warn you that my travel budget is limited, so if you are outside the area of Oregon and want me to kiss your butt, you'll have to come to me or send me a picture of it.
Note: all rewards are optional; you don't have to get your butt kissed if you don't really want to. More detailed information can be found on the Butt Rewards page.
I can't donate right now. Is there anything else I can do?
Yes! There are plenty of free ways to help us out. I've listed a few of them below:
Most importantly, help spread the word! Start by using the E-mail, Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit links on the right. Tell your friends! Tell your enemies! Tell complete strangers. Ramble to squirrels in the park. Write a blurb about this page on a blog or MySpace or whatever. If you can get five people to visit this site and start spreading the word themselves, that's just as good as a hefty donation.
Use the Amazon search box at right to buy anything you need in your everyday life! Or instead, just click this link. Fix My Brother's Butt gets a cut of anything purchased using these searches. Each time you buy something this way, my brother's butt feels a little better.
Watch the awesome video on the right and then see more here. Some of our videos are being contributed by fans of the site who I consider Butt Friends (whether or not they are personally my friends). If you're the creative sort, join in the fun! Film a video about the website, about fixing my brother's butt, or about butts in general, then tell me and I'll put it up in the Butt Videos section of this site. Butts!
Who is this brother of yours anyway?
He's a photographer! And a pretty freaking awesome one at that. Unforunately, losing his day job due to his butt problems has severely hampered his photography-related efforts. Click on these images for samples of his incredible work:
If you would rather help my brother out by buying prints of his work instead of donating to this questionable website, you're in luck! Our photography store has been set up so you can do just that.
What if the whole $5,000 doesn't get used?
Honestly, it might not. I've purposefully shot for an overestimation of the expenses just in case there are more complications or other problems come up. I have no interest in starting a second butt-related website if we don't set our goal high enough! If we are fortunate enough to have leftover funds, it will go toward getting my brother's photography career jump-started with some muchly-needed equipment.
Come clean. This is all a big scam, right?
Absolutely not! I will do whatever it takes to show you that this is 100% legit. I've used my name, my brother's name, posted his picture, and given all sorts of details about what's going on. If that all isn't enough, you are also welcome to call me and talk to me in person. My phone number is (541) 683-2435.